Heritage Erased

The annual Essex County Jewish Heritage Celebration recognizes the positive impact and cultural contributions of Jewish residents to the economy and society of Essex county.  It is annually hosted by Essex County Executive Joseph N. DiVincenzo Jr. and the Essex County Board of County Commissioners. Initiated in 2013 by Commissioner Patricia Sebold, the Essex County Board of County Commissioners hosts a separate annual ceremony specifically highlighting grassroots activists, rabbis, and civic leaders. Recent honorees from their Jewish Heritage Month events include a local rabbi who demanded a domestic violence survivor’s silence and a woman who partipicipates, to this day, in erasing her children’s Jewish heritage.

Kerri Berson Levine, of Fidelco Realty, is guilty of elder abuse and gaslighting her own children.  

After requesting the criteria for how these recipients are chosen, neither Mr. DiVincenzo nor Ms. Sebold have ever replied.

The young lady who won the Jewish Heritage Award and has, so far, erased her children’s Jewish heritage on their Greenbaum side(my maiden name) is my daughter in law.  And those children are my grandchildren, whom she will not allow me to meet.

I am part of my grandchildren’s Jewish heritage.  I should not be erased.

Here is a letter I wrote Kerri Berson Levine, my daughter in law. It is only one of dozens written over the years. This particular letter was written after I was presented with a demand to remove my presence from all social media platforms and never share my history of domestic violence and abuse with anyone. I would not agree to that.  I know more than ever that abuse thrives in silence.  And my silence almost killed me years ago.

I was, as always, more than kind.There is never a reply.

​May 23, 2021

Hi, Kerri,

I hope all is well – or at least as well as can be during this pandemic.  I think of you, Jared, Chase and Lara always.  

There are not many days when you aren’t in my thoughts or prayers, and I am finally gathering my emotions to write to you at this time.  Chances are you will toss my letter in the trash without so much as reading a word, but what is life without taking chances? I hang on to the possibility that you may actually read my words. And feel what they try to convey.

I’d like to tell you how proud I am of you.  Over the last year, I have repeatedly seen your name and face in the local New Jersey media.  You are an amazing woman as you raise two young children, pursue a career, and still take on so many charitable causes. On so very many occasions, I have said I am beyond proud to have you as a daughter in law and the mother of my grandchildren. 

There’s an old expression called “wrapping up loose ends.”

Sometimes, it can bring you closure.

Sometimes, it allows you to confront something painful or hurtful, lightening its weight on your shoulders and in your heart.

And sometimes, it does both. 

I’ve thought so much about what I wish I could say to you – for too long.  All through the pandemic and even before that....All the days I’ve contemplated writing this, are turning into years.

Throughout my experience of writing, I’ve learned something invaluable.  When you write – the words/experiences can lose their power over you.  For me, writing also makes things easier to carry.

I’ve read various articles on your achievements and have even seen you being interviewed on the Steve Adubato show, New Jersey News 12.  I can’t help but look at you on the screen and wonder what my grandchildren look like.  I wish I knew – and I wish they knew me, too.

Just last week, I was invited to a ceremony on Zoom.  It was to award a local rabbi with the Jewish Heritage Award of Essex County, New Jersey.  An honor.  And all I could think about was how I read that you, Kerri, were a previous recipient of that award only 3 years ago.  An honor that encompasses so much irony. 

Your face is shown proudly on Essex County pages as you accepted the county’s award for Jewish Heritage.  I’m not quite sure what that award is for, though, as I had never heard of it before (and I pride myself on being active in our Essex County Jewish community).  I do not know you personally in order to speak your praises – all I do know is what I have read...and how you have treated me.

Through the last seven years, I have had faith in you and made excuses for you.  You see, I was married to someone who prohibited me from thinking on my own, being my own person, and who in many instances prohibited me from doing what was right according to circumstances within my grasp.  It has always haunted me – losing my voice for two decades.  I know only too well the influence a partner can have on one’s own judgement and decisions.

Lately, I’ve been thinking how my own silence has been deafening.  Thus, this letter.  I’m speaking up for two young souls...my grandchildren who are prohibited from even knowing I exist.

I’m positive your philanthropy regarding our Jewish faith has benefited many.  “Heritage” – a legacy.  It’s our past, our present and our future as Jews.  Our lineage.

And of course, here comes my predicament.  Dear, Kerri, I am your children’s Jewish heritage.  I am their grandmother.  And at 4 and 2 years of age, you will not let them even meet me.  I have never even been sent photos of my beloved grandchildren.  So what does that truly say about your stance for Jewish Heritage?  It leaves me rather perplexed.  

I have wondered what the mission statement is for the Jewish Heritage Award.  No one has been able to tell me.  Friends have even asked and searched for it.  I do not know what it includes, but I can bet it does not include selectively erasing any part of a child’s Jewish heritage.  Or anyone.

I can guarantee that you did not disclose our tragic situation nor history in truth.  My heart breaks over the parental alienation of my son, who has grown to be a man repeating a cycle of such alienation.  And unfortunately, you got pulled into its turmoil.  As did my grandchildren.  You have the power to make this generational curse stop if you break the cycle. 

Kerri, when you erase a part of my grandchildren’s heritage, you are essentially eliminating a great part of who they are.  I am a part of my son’s history, and am Chase’s and Lara’s.  Regarding my son – he knows how to reach me.  Regarding my grandchildren...until my last breath, I’ll be waiting for them to find me some day.  With all my heart, and with arms wide open.  They are all a piece of me.  That’s heritage.

I appeal to your sense of conscience.  Children deserve more love.  Not less.

Life only moves forward.  In it’s path, I have followed your wonderful volunteer work during the Covid pandemic.  All you have done for the essential workers in our hospitals and communities is to be applauded.  Outstanding work.

Last January, I observed you on New Jersey television discussing the program you installed to afford “young girls opportunities.”  You referred to a program you developed in Newark.  However, as you spoke of the necessity for allowing young girls to have various opportunities in life, the young girl that I brought to mind was Lara. 

My granddaughter.  My granddaughter who does not know I exist.  Because she was not afforded the opportunity to know me.  As I stared at the television screen, seeing your image, all I could do was wonder what my granddaughter looked like.

I haven’t been permitted to meet Lara nor see a photograph of her.  I do have a two-year-old text from Jared informing me that Lara looked exactly like me.  In hindsight it was part of the manipulation he orchestrated – but I wonder how true it could have been.  When I asked to see a photo of her, the conversation went dead until the demand to sign away my voice.

But I digress.... getting back to your television interview....You spoke of the importance of exposing young girls to various experiences – opportunities they should have.  I believe the goal was to empower these young girls whom you were referring to.  That is without doubt an integral and important endeavor.  Kudos to you for realizing that and trying to act upon it.

As you spoke, so many thoughts ran through my mind.  You must understand that the voices of young women everywhere matter and are vital to a healthy outlook and future.  You must realize that no one should be bullied into silence.  You must know that each and every girl owns her own truth and has the right to stand up and speak out about it.  Choices.  Not under control of others demands and opinions.  But knowing they have choices – that is their right.   

When I turned off your segment, I prayed for Lara.  May no one ever try to steal sweet Lara’s voice.  Please teach that to your own daughter.  Never let anyone try to bully her into silence.  Never let anyone attempt to manipulate her into removing all her presence on social media venues.  Teach her that no one should try to make her sign away her voice, her rights, her truth.  Don’t let anyone do to her...what her parents tried to do to me.

And may Lara always know her worth, her value, and her own heart without ever having to prove it to anyone else.

Those are wishes and prayers that should be afforded to young girls everywhere, as they are exposed to endless opportunities.  What someone may consider their ceiling, let these young women consider their floor.  

Kerri, you are a very strong role model for your daughter.  That is absolutely wonderful.  But you are also teaching her things that I don’t believe you are aware of.  By eliminating her chance to know her grandmother, you are sending a message of disconnection, judgement, even bullying and disregarding her God given right to have her loving grandmother in her life. 

As I watched your beautiful persona being interviewed by Mr. Adubato, I carefully listened to each and every word you spoke.  The importance for personal growth and exposure to different venues affords the young girls in your program “opportunities” that all young girls should experience.  It should not be looked at as something rare, but should be normalized.  What a wonderful world it would be.   

My granddaughter deserves opportunities that her own parents are not allowing her to have.  When you next speak of granting, awarding, sharing opportunities with young girls in your programs again...I ask you to look into your own daughter’s eyes and think of what you have taken from her, what opportunities she is not allowed.  I ask you to reflect on the mother I was to your husband as he was growing up...the memories he chooses to bury because I, too, have learned that the good memories can sometimes hurt our heart more than the unpleasant ones.

Well, I thought of these points many times over the last few weeks.  I can’t talk to you, but I can write.  Whether you are receptive or not, all I can do is try.  And hope.  I know that each day brings me closer to when my grandchildren will look for me.  I’ll be waiting.

And when you do grant opportunities to other young girls, remember your daughter deserves so much.  She deserves more love, not less.  And I pray she will know to be her own person, follow her own heart, do what is right (even when it’s not easy), and never let anyone bully her into silence. 

Some day, I hope you will afford your own children their heritage and opportunities that they are forbidden today.  It’s never too late.  As long as we have breath within us.

I pray every day for Jared’s awakening and healing.  That’s a tougher subject to conquer and I know it can’t be done alone.  I had set boundaries, and as soon as I saw that paper he demanded I sign – I saw that all my boundaries were disregarded.  

Thank you for reading this far.  This letter is not meant to place blame, but about what happens next.  It’s about Lara.  It’s about children.  It’s about all that we are and the next generation.

I know only too well that children do not learn by words alone, but by example. 

Stay well. 

Lovingly,

Julie

Read the article about Kerri’s Jewish Heritage Award here:

https://patch.com/new-jersey/belleville/essex-county-jewish-heritage-awards-honor-njit-prez-re-exec

What Grandparent Alienation Looks Like (it’s also child abuse)

​Here is a letter I sent my granddaughter Lara on her 5th birthday…3 years ago.

I have never met her. 

My adult alienated son and daughter-in-law have totally erased me.

They live only 30 minutes away from me.

I was told that this note along with the card went directly into the trash…because she can’t know I exist. 

My heart hurts.

—————————————-

Happy birthday to Lara

Dear Lara,

Happy happy happy birthday 🎈!
You don’t know me but I am your Daddy’s mommy.  And that makes me the very special honor of being your grandma.

I think you are 5 today. Wow! 

Although you have never met me, I am in your heart.
I’m in your smile and the twinkle in your eyes, too.  I am a part of you.
And I carry you in my heart each and every day.

Your Daddy, when he was 5, was the cutest five year old around.  He loved to play with trucks and cars, transformers, the match Game, Uno, dance and sing.  The dancing part was because I danced around a lot.  The singing part….because I loved music - but I have the worst singing voice in the world.
Ask him to sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”
He loved brownies, M & M’s ( the blue ones), pizza, pancakes, French toast and my ruggelah.

Your daddy was the best boy at 5.  And I imagine you are the most wonderful 5 year old girl.

I don’t know what you look like, but I know you have some of your grandma Julie in you.  I heard you like art.  I am an artist.  I wish I could see your artwork.  I bet it’s beautiful.  And art is so much fun.  Remember to always have fun.
I love you.

XXXOO,
Grandma Julie

9/11 and Foodirect

​There is a need to tell what happened, as much as a need some people have to bury it.

Many of us, if not all Americans, remember where we were on that horrific morning. I remember not only where I was at 8:46 AM… But I remember the days that followed, as they engulfed the tragedy. On 9/11, my 911 went out to Foodirect. 

Foodirect is the largest wholesale food distributor company In New York.  They carry a catalogue of over 3,500 products.  Beyond traditional meat and poultry warehouse fulfillment, they supply fresh produce, pantry staples, dairy, specialty items, beverages, paper products and cleaning supplies.  Foodirect operates out of a massive 72,900 square foot full-service distribution center in the Hunts Point Cooperative Market...following a $22.2 million expansion project (more about that later).  Foodirect is a family owned business.  And I was married to the owner.

We all have our terrible memories of where we were, what we were doing, when the twin towers were attacked. When our lives, our freedom and our beliefs were attacked by terrorists. At such crucial turns of history, Americans have choices to make – to come together, to support one another – or despicably, to turn the other way. The owner of Foodirect…he turned the other way.

How my then husband reacted to the terrorist attacks pretty much tells you a lot about a person. All that I have written about my story… Well, you shouldn’t be surprised. The owner of Foodirect  chose to not support his fellow Americans. He chose to continue business as usual. Not helping a single soul - Robert Levine was OK so that was all that mattered to him. Diagnosed as a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, he fit the description perfectly.

When someone is in need of help, a person with strong narcissistic traits responds based on how the situation impacts their own image and control.  Because they typically are incapable of empathy, they don't offer genuine, altruistic support.  Everything is transactional.

As much as we don't desire to live in the past, the past lives in each and every one of us to some extent.  And I remember that day, 25 years ago, clearly. 

I was in a friend's kitchen on September 11, 2001. I was housesitting a home in New Jersey, leaving my Greenwich, Connecticut apartment for a few days.

It was early morning, as I drank my coffee with the radio on. I heard the words that America heard. A plane had flown into one of the towers. Unheard of, I froze, looking out the window at the sky, which only miles away, was a weapon used by evil. My first thought was of my friend, whom I had just dropped off at Newark airport only hours ago. He had just flown to Amsterdam on business the night before. I had not heard from him since his expected arrival in Amsterdam. 

In a complete frenzy, I finally contacted him via phone, to hear his voice, and thank God he was OK. Then I turned my attention to the television. I was in shock along with the rest of the world.

I literally jumped into action - I respond well in times of crisis but change the aisle in the grocery store and I'm screwed.  I got on the phone to my lawyers in New York City who were helping me through my tedious divorce at the time. 

My representation through the divorce proceeding, which was underway already for 3 years at that time, was Raul Felder. His right-hand man in his law firm, Ken Goldstein, was not only my acting attorney, but a dear friend in my life.  I need to link this all together.... 

In 2001, I was still married to Robert Levine, with the divorce from hell well underway.  Foodirect was a marital asset… 

So, at the time of 9/11/2001, I was still married to Robert Levine. And the business of Foodirect was a marital asset, which I was entitled to half. Robert was always boasting that he owned the largest wholesale food distributorship in the Hunts Point Market of the Bronx - he sold thousands of items from food, paper goods, cleaning supplies to beverages. You can look it up on their website and see their inventory, which has not changed much since.

Hearing of this horrific tragedy, my immediate reaction was to get supplies, whatever possible, out to the workers and survivors at the World Trade Center. To get the workers food and supplies, along with Foodirect trucks to assist the volunteers, the rescuers the survivors… I wanted to get whatever they needed to them ASAP! 

Surely, the Foodirect trucks could be there to help and assist in the rescue and recovery. And all the cleaning supplies, paper goods, food!  Whatever they needed.

I phoned Raul Felder, telling him that I wanted to have food wrapped up and at the disposal of the city of New York.  I wanted all products sold by the company to be donated to the cause of rescue and recovery, clean up etc.

The comment I received was that it would never fly with Robert Levine. Mr. Felder knew who he was dealing with by that time. Everyone knew who Robert Levine was… And who he wasn’t. He wouldn’t give a person ice in the winter as the old expression goes. A true narcissist and business owner with unscrupulous tactics - the world revolved around him – – there wasn’t an ounce of giving in his body, unless he could use a situation – as he would only occasionally give unsellable foods to a shelter in order to get a tax write off… Only foods that were spoiled, past expiration dates or in broken or unsealed packages. 

I was persistent as I then spoke to Ken Goldstein, my other attorney. I insisted the business Foodirect was half mine. I wanted my part to be used to help our country. My half of the business was to do whatever Mayor Giuliani needed at the time. Mayor Guiliani was also a client of Mr. Felder's and we had met several times in Mr. Felder's Manhattan office.

Phonecalls were made by the attorneys.  All assistance was then denied by Robert Levine. Foodirect did not donate a morsel, nothing, not even a paper cup. Shame on him. Shame on his livelihood and all the luxuries he will continue to enjoy. Shame on what he taught my sons on that horrible day of 9/11. 

My 911 call to help New York was mocked by my then husband. He wouldn’t give anything to help our country. As I asked Mr. Felder to contact me or Giuliani on my behalf to see if we could override Robert's refusal and disgraceful attitude, I was told I would have to go through the courts, and get a judge to decide… And it would continue to be a tremendous battle with Mr. Levine.  His orchestration of legal abuse to drain me in court was already underway during my divorce proceedings.

The city was so overwhelmed. Our country was in a state of trauma, terror, and devastation. There was no time to begin another legal motion to get the necessary goods and services donated, against Mr. Levine‘s decision. Foodirect never got involved to help our country. Robert Levine continued to run his business as usual. Without a second thought as to what happened, only miles away from the Hunts Point Cooperative Market, only miles away from the warehouse of Foodirect. It was no sweat off his back as he liked to say. It was business as usual for him, on September 11, 2001. 

So now, as I look back, my heart is wrung dry. My sons are now working in the company. All that I tried to teach my sons throughout their childhood years with me may have been totally forgotten. 

Friends of Karen, helping families with children suffering with cancer, donating to buy an ambulance in Israel, Mogen David, midnight runs in soup kitchens… All that I did with them during their childhoods is most likely forgotten. 

Not long ago, I was watching the news on television when the company Foodirect was mentioned.  My divorce has been completed years ago, but Robert Levine never gave me the financial equivilent of half of the company in the divorce settlement.  He made so much disappear.  But when I heard the company on the news...I was surprised.

New York is a most forgiving state.  Governor Hochul gave Foodirect $1million in a donation toward their expansion!  With all the struggling businesses in the state of New York, businesses going bankrupt, owners losing everything....Hochul gave so much money to a company owned by affluent millionaires - my ex and my 2 sons who all live in the multimillion-dollar homes with luxuries most people only dream of.  Robert tells everyone he is "living large."

While the state documents the $1 million grant to Foodirect as a standardized infrastructure project for green energy and food logistics, it completely ignores the interpersonal and familial wealth behind the business. To the everyday citizen or a struggling business owner, seeing a company tied to multi-millionaires and highly influential real estate empires receive a massive taxpayer-funded handout feels incredibly unfair.

When New York needed Foodirect, no assistance was given.  And for the life of me...how does a business that doesn't need the money take it away from other livelihoods that are truly struggling in our economy?

Here's an article about it:

https://longisland.news12.com/2023/11/14/gov-hochul-1-million-granted-to-hunts-point-market-for-updates-renovations/4albg2BsEFSXYZh2AX023e

Ethics of the fathers “be on your guard with the ruling power, for they bring nowhere near to them except for their own interests; seeming to be friends such time as it is to their own advantage, they stand not with a man in the hour of need.” 

A Rabbi Walked in to a Chapter

​One of the emails in a folder I went through last night….was an email I sent to a Rabbi Kulwin of New Jersey after he tried to get me to sign a gag agreement (Agreement!) protecting my ex husband (which was written by his congregant Marc Berson * my son’s father in law)…..they demanded my silence. And threatened that I will never meet my grandchildren.

This agreement demanded my removal from all social media platforms FOREVER.

My ex husband and adult sons painted themselves as victims.  Something very common in narcissistic abuse.  Narcissists play the victim to escape accountability, protect a fragile ego, and twist the narrative so that they appear injured rather than the offender.  This behavior is a core manipulation strategy.  My blog and social media presence angered them. 

Toxic families don’t address what happened—they expect you to stay silent and move on.

Well, a victim’s silence is an abuser’s greatest asset.

I own everything that happened to me.

In 2019….the email below is what I wrote to Rabbi Kulwin.

Good morning. 

There is so much I would like to say to you - so much you never understood nor were told....
Rabbi Kulwin, you should never judge a situation by the chapter you came in on.  And that is what you did to me in this horrible mess....
I never told you how I have a police report where my 18 year old son hit me in the back so hard I was rendered breathless, knocked to the ground.  I have that report.  I never told you what initially motivated me to get out of a domestic violence hell (trying to remove my sons as well), after being called to pick up Jared from a police station for beating up a girl on the school bus (she needed stitches in her head). I have that report.  I never told you my son who instigated a physical altercation WITH A YOUNG WOMAN  when he was in his twenties, in a pizzeria...still pushing and shoving her in the restaurant parking lot.  I have that police report.  The officer told me that Jared's father got in touch with the young woman's mother and forced them to not press charges ($$$$) - it was purged.  But I have that police report, too.  And so many others.  Including the one where my son said he wanted to spend an afternoon with my dog, and would return him to me in said parking lot----but he never returned, He kidnapped my dog.  This was the 2nd dog his father killed.  Jared is probably unaware of the details.  My ex admitted it in a forensic psychologist report - he poisoned my first dog, Rudy.  And Rocky was most likely poisoned from materials in the basement where my ex kept him locked up when Jared was not home.  Animal abuse.  It's the tip of the domestic violence cycle I endured.  My son was not a child then.  There was no blog for anyone to blame things on.  These were just evil acts carried out by bad people.

I have a folder of police reports on both sons.  Stored away in a storage unit.  I don't care to look at them...until some day when I may have to.  They are with the literally hundreds of medical reports I have on my own injuries suffered through the years of DV.

So you walked in on the chapter where I finally began to speak out and wrote a blog.  I wrote out my pain.  I sent it out to the universe and it didnt feel so heavy anymore.....that for me was a life saver.  Unfortunately.

What Kind of Man

What kind of man thinks abuse is acceptable?

Tonight I did something very difficult and probably stupid.  I still don’t have a phone so I went through files on my iPad.

I have files on each of my sons, alienated from me for 20 years.

When they were 14 and 17 years old, and I filed for divorce….their father said I’d never see my sons again.  He orchestrated that to be true. Except I saw them so many times when they shunned me in courtrooms during my divorce as their father always involved them.  At one point in a courtroom, one teenage son looked at me and angrily asked, “How does it feel to know we’re ganging up on you?”

My search for justice in seeking a divorce was transformed in their minds to merely wanting to punish their father. As teens, my sons normalized any and all abuse of me, their mother.

I occasionally, through the years, received emails from them.  I saved them all.  I reread some tonight and it’s sickening.

They are now 41 and 44 - with children of their own.  I have 4 grandchildren who aren’t allowed to know I exist.  My ex husband didn’t allow my sons to get a full college education.  He put them to work in his business of Foodirect as soon as he could. When we were married, we fought about them going to college—it meant so much to me.  But their father said he didn’t want them getting smarter than him.

A narcissist sees their children as extensions of themselves. They cannot tolerate the thought that their children might grow up to chart their own course.  

Tonight, I read such vile emails that my sons had sent me.  Vicious emails.  Mostly victim blaming and blame shifting.

One such email read, “You should get a gun and blow your brains out.”

Another read, “I fucking hate you. You cunt.”

These were from my sons. The boys I raised until they were teens, when our relationship was poisoned by their father.

You cannot imagine how many tears I have shed.

Both my sons, Jason and Jared, blamed me for all the abuse I endured and didn’t want me to tell anyone about it (my silence was always demanded, and then a blackmail chip).  How do you blame the victim for domestic violence?  And what kind of person would do such a thing?

Responsibility for domestic abuse rests entirely on the perpetrator. Coercive control creates severe entrapment.  When (adult)children shift blame to the survivor, it deflects accountability away from the abuser and misplaces anger onto someone who was also a victim.

Years ago, I did take down my original blog.  I thought it would make a difference to them.  It didn’t.  And my silence was suffocating me.

An email from my son Jared said that he kept all his same old contact information just so he will know when I die. (Everyone in my life has strict instructions not to notify him.)

Aside from hurting terribly tonight, I have a question.

What kind of man thinks it’s ok that their mother was abused for 20 years (and then post separation abuse)?

My sons saw.

My sons have participated.

My sons are men now.

And all I keep repeating in my head is what kind of men could they be to think what I survived was all ok. What kind of men forget all the love their mother raised them with…..

What kind of men did they become?

My answer is always the same. Awful, cruel men who knew of all their mother’s suffering during years of domestic violence, emotional, financial, and psychological abuse and  now….continually making cancer jokes telling their friends they can’t wait until I die. (They both know of my cancer diagnosis.)

So if you see my adult alienated sons, please ask them why they think domestic violence is ok. Ask them why they think emotional, psychological and financial abuse are ok. They are continuing the cycle as my struggles continue.

Some people will do anything for money.

I carry a lot of heavy baggage in my mind and in my heart.

Writing my blog lightens the load tremendously.

The support of readers sharing my story, acknowledging it…makes it easier.

Below is an old email I had received from Jason when he was 30.  He clearly exhibited to have normalized abuse of all sorts.  Please read it…..This is what victim blaming and blame shifting looks like:

                                                    ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️